11 years ago, my husband and I moved our family to Portland, Oregon. Our 4th child was just a couple months old and we had never lived more than 15 minutes away from both sides of our family before. Every holiday up to that point had been spent with extended family…our grandparents, aunts and uncles, siblings and cousins and their families. But now our family was 10 hours away and there were no Christmas breakfasts, Cousins Pumpkin Patch Trips or Easter Egg Hunts.
We quickly realized that if we wanted our holidays to feel fun and memorable, we were going to have to create some new traditions. And so we did! In typical fashion, I dove in head first scouring pintrest for every holiday tradition option out there. We quickly learned the difference between enjoyable family traditions and exhausting family traditions.
And in the decade since, I have learned even more about how to make traditions work better for our changing family situation and a house full of teens. So today I am sharing what I have learned with you so family traditions can be a more enjoyable part of your family culture.
Why Family Traditions Matter
Family traditions are one of the best ways to create the close and connected family dynamic we want as parents, but they also have a lot of other benefits for our families.
- Create a family identity and sense of belonging for each family member
- Strengthen bonds between siblings and improve sibling relationships
- Create anticipation and excitement in your family
- Create family memories that really stick because they are reinforced each time you repeat the tradition
- Give us an opportunity to fondly remember past experiences each time we repeat the tradition which creates even more connection and bonding for our families.
- Establishes a routine to make sure we include fun amidst the stress of family life.
- Creates a sense of comfort and security for your family that is especially helpful when you go through times of change, grief or stress (moves, illness, challenges, etc.)
But, another reason I love family traditions is because it gives me, as the mom, the opportunity to ENJOY holidays with my family. Because traditions happen regularly, I don’t have to constantly come up with new activities to help my family connect. Since traditions are part of our life and holiday routines, my kids look forward to each tradition and I don’t have to overcome their resistance or spend my energy bribing them or getting them excited to participate. And I can streamline the process and prepare once for an activity that happens year after year. Mom win!
Whether you already have a lot of family traditions or you want to create more, here are my best tips for making your family traditions more teen-friendly, fun and fulfilling.
1. Know Your Why and Like Your Reasons
- Don’t just have traditions for the sake of traditions or because someone else does it that way. It is important to know why you are doing it. Ask yourself these questions: How does this serve our family right now? How do I feel when I think about it? Is it a burden or a blessing and why?
Sometimes you will realize that you have outgrown a tradition and it is no longer serving you. Sometimes you will realize that a simplified version of the tradition is all you need to get what you want out of it. Sometimes you will realize that the only reason you are doing it is because other people do it but you don’t even enjoy it. Regardless, knowing why you are doing it will give you the information you need to make decisions that serve your family.
2. Be Flexible
- With tradtions nothing is set in stone. Be willing to adjust and change based on your family’s needs. It is ok to end a tradition that is no longer serving its purpose. It is ok to skip a year because you love the tradition but it just won’t work this year. It is ok to do things a little differently. The memories you have made will always be yours to remember and enjoy.
As schedules get busier and your family expands and friends and significant others come into the picture, you may have to celebrate on different days. Instead of getting discouraged when things get tricky, focus on discovering how you can make it work.
As my kids have grown, they have discovered new ideas and traditions that they want to try. Be willing to incorporate their ideas and suggestions. You never know whether that suggestion will become your new favorite family tradition.
3. Listen to Your Teen
- The best way to make sure your teen is on board with your traditions is to ask them for their opinions and actually listen to what they have to say. What do they want to do? What parts of your current traditions matter most to them? What do they look forward to the most? What are their very favorite – can’t miss traditions? What other ideas do they have?
One year leading up to a particularly busy December I decided to get my kids feedback on what they really wanted to because I knew we weren’t going to be able to get to every tradition we normally do during the holidays. So, I wrote down all of the family traditions that we normally do during the holidays, each on a post it note, and I asked them if there was anything else they wanted to do during the holidays and made post it notes for those too. Then I had each child choose 2 or 3 post it notes with activities that they for sure wanted to do this year and stick them in an area for must-do’s. Then after everyone got to pick their favorites I had them work together to sort the rest of the post its into Would like to do’s and ok to skip. I have to be honest, I was a little surprised by some of the things they really didn’t care about and equally surprised by some of the things they did care about. Not only did I get a better idea of what my kids really wanted to do, but it took the pressure off to try and do it all.
If there is a tradition your teen isn’t really excited about anymore but the rest of the family still enjoys it, maybe you can find a way to make it more enjoyable for them. Could they invite a friend? Could you get together with another family? Could you add some fun snacks or treats? And you don’t have to do all the creative work…get them involved in brainstorming ways to make it more fun for them.
4. Simplify
- The best and most sustainable traditions are the ones that are simple! If you have some traditions that are exhausting, think about how you can make them easier and more fun.
A lot of times making a tradition easier and more fun is as simple as just lowering your expectations. Is the goal to have a pintrest perfect party or is the goal family connection and fun? For me it is always the latter, so let go of the perfection and put in the minimum amount of effort to create the fun and connection you are craving!
I also like to find ways to make preparations that can be reused over and over so I only have to do the work once. Keep all the supplies you need on hand. Do the prep for next year while everything is fresh on your mind before you pack it away with your decorations. Make a binder with all the Thanksgiving recipes, timeline and shopping list so you don’t have to figure it out again every single year. Take pictures of the themed party food you made so you don’t have to figure out clever names to call everything again next year. Make a box of minute to win it supplies and a checklist of other items to get so you don’t have to go through every game and figure out what you need every year. Laminate things so they can be reused again and again.
5. Share the Load
- Another way I love to simplify is to share the load. This can be within your family or it can mean inviting others to participate and share some of the tasks. Don’t get stuck in the trap of thinking you need to be the one to do all the work to make the tradition happen.
If there is a lot of prep involved, I like to get my kids involved in helping. They can help with food, decorations, planning and cleaning. Sometimes my favorite part of a tradition is the time I get to spend prepping for it with my teens.
We also love to invite another family or two to join us so we can all share the load together. Not only do friends make it more fun for your kids, but it means you can assign other people to help and bring things. This is especially true with traditions that involve big meals…everyone has more fun, and you don’t have to spend the whole day in the kitchen.
Finally, because December is right around the corner, I want to share a few ideas for teen-friendly Christmas traditions. Every family is different, and not all of these ideas will work for every family. A tradition my teen loves might make your teen roll their eyes. You can use the tips I shared to find what works for you, but I hope that this list will get your creativity flowing and inspire you to make traditions an enjoyable and connecting thing in your family.
Teen Friendly Traditions
Christmas minute to win it night
Have a hot chocolate party with a fancy hot chocolate bar with all the fixings
Plan a caroling night with your neighbors
Cookie decorating contest
White elephant Gift exchange or Ugly Christmas Sweater Party
Binge Christmas episodes of all your favorite tv series
An Advent Calendar with fun Christmas Activities each day
Christmas Selfie Scavenger Hunt
Gingerbread (or pop-tart) house decorating
Make ornaments
Go ice skating
Holiday Movie Night
Make a Christmas Playlist together
Do service – be bell ringers for the salvation army, do a secret Santa, do the 12 days of Christmas
Grinch Night
Drive around looking at Christmas Lights
Christmas Pajama Party
I hope this episode has inspired you to make traditions work better for your family and your teen. I would absolutely love to hear what traditions you have in your family that your teens enjoy! Head over to @jenbelltate on Instagram and send me a message. https://www.instagram.com/jenbelltate/
