Part 1 Podcast Interview with Leslie Randolph
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[00:00:00] Jen: I have an extra special treat for you here on the podcast over the next two weeks, because recently I have the pleasure of interviewing my friend, Leslie Randolph. She is a self confidence coach for teenage girls, and she is just a ray of sunshine in the world. And I had the best conversation with her about how to build your teenagers' confidence.
But because I had so much fun talking to her and because she had so much good information to share, our conversation was way too long for one single podcast episode. As I'm sure you've noticed, I try and keep all of my podcast episodes right around 10 minutes, sometimes a little bit longer. And the reason for that is I know how busy you are. I know what your life looks like as a mom of teenagers and you've got a lot going on. And so I have tried to make my podcast episodes the perfect length for you to listen to while you're on your way to pick them up or on your way home from dropping them off somewhere. And I know that once they get in the car, You can't be listening to parenting podcasts. So that's why this podcast is designed to be right around 10 minutes.
So in order to honor that we are splitting this episode up into two different weeks. So you can get the first half this week and then come back next week and I will share the second half with you. I cannot wait for you to dive in and learn the four pillars of confidence that your teenager desperately needs. So without further ado we are going to jump right into this conversation with Leslie introducing herself
[00:02:05] Leslie: I am Leslie Randolph. I am a self confidence coach for teenage girls and the teenage girl that still exists in all of us because I know I didn't have a confidence coach when I was growing up.
So my self talk, my opinion of self, and my belief in my ability to achieve everything that I desired was not so great. And when I found coaching, it changed my life many, many years ago. It wasn't until a long time after finding it, I decided this is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. And when I first started coaching, I coached humans 11 to 75.
And I found that no matter what they brought to coaching, as a problem that they were trying to overcome or to strategize, a universal pain point was self confidence: a lack of self confidence.
And I thought, well, rather than, you know, dance around the elephant that appears in everybody's room, what if I built my coaching practice upon it? And we, I taught people how to cultivate self confidence.
I also thought, man. What would my life have looked like if I had known this as a teen? And so now I, I have the privilege of helping, , young women younger than me figure it out sooner than I did.
[00:03:29] Jen: I love it. I love that mission. That's so fun. So what I'm so excited for you to share with my audience today is you have four pillars of confidence that you teach teenagers.
And I love the idea that there are four characteristics. that every teenager needs to be confident. So will you share with us what those are?
[00:03:51] Leslie: Yeah, absolutely. , so I love that we're calling it four characteristics of self confidence. Cause I often talk about this through the lens that I saw it and as I'm seeing it now with the teenagers that I have the privilege of coaching.
There's this idea, and I will use my own experience, that there was like this genetic lottery ticket that if you got it then you would be self confident.
And in my coaching practice, I sometimes talk about it as " as soon as" or the "not enoughs".
These are the barriers to self confidence. As soon as I get the grade, as soon as I get the guy or the girl, as we get later in life, get the job, get the wedding ring, get the promotion, whatever it is, then I will feel self confident.
And then I also see the not enough. Well, I'm not skinny enough. I'm not pretty enough. I'm not smart enough. I'm not fill in the blank enough. And that's why I'm not self confident.
So I want everyone to hear that self confidence is not this thing you get as soon as.... It is a choice that you make.
It is a choice that you make when you choose to know who you are, trust that human, love that person and believe in her.
[00:05:16] Jen: I love that idea that we, it is a choice that we make to be confident. There is no genetic disposition for confidence. We just are choosing it every single day in every moment where we choose to be confident or not.
[00:05:31] Leslie: Yes, and I need to piggyback on what you just said because there's also no destination to this work of like, I did it! I'm so confident now!
I mean, you do, and I, and I see my self confident muscles strengthening every day and I see it with the clients that I have the opportunity to work with. That they see these steps on this journey, but it's just that, it's a journey.
And absolutely it's a choice that you make every day with the thoughts you think and the actions you take. You will choose self confidence each and every day. It's an eternal work in progress.
[00:06:09] Jen: Yes, for sure.
So the first pillar, what is that one?
[00:06:13] Leslie: So number one, you know, you!
So your voice, your instinct. Your style, your magic. That is you. You are the only person in the world that gets to be you. So it is up to us, and it is up to you, to honor that. To show up in this world authentically, unapologetically, and boldly. Like, you are the only you that the world has. It is up to you to be her.
So, in order to be you, it is really important to be able to, like, see you. And to understand you. So, you know your values. You know what's important to you. And you know what, what lights you up. And what you want to bring into this world.
Each and every one of us has unique gifts. Has that unique essence. But it's up to us to acknowledge that.
And I think as parents, we have such an opportunity to shine that light on our teens. Of who they uniquely are. And I think whether it's your teen that you're listening for or you yourself who's trying to cultivate confidence, it's really important to do some self exploration of like, what do I want? What does my ideal future look like? We're never too old to ask those questions, I don't think.
[00:07:42] Jen: Yeah, no, and I think one of the most important things that we can do to be able to teach that to our teenagers is to do it for ourselves first. I talk a lot about the importance of we have to learn a skill for ourselves before we can teach it, and the best way to teach it is really just by living it, by living into that principle.
And so When we step into owning who we are as moms and being our best selves and knowing that who we are is enough as a mom, that really helps our teenagers to step into who they are, to have that knowledge of who they are and what they're all about. And to be willing to explore all of those questions that you talked about, like, who am I? What do I like? What do I want? What is my style? All of that comes from seeing us model that.
[00:08:32] Leslie: 100%. And I often say, our teens will follow our actions more than our advice. They're not going, you know, so I, I bring the your style into it because sometimes I think even, well, especially in high school, that is such a form of expression.
I have this one pair of kitten heel leopard print boots. They are loud. They are not everyone's style. I love them. And I wear them with such pride, and I tell my daughter, who kind of rolls her eyes when I would put them on, I'm like, I don't like, but I do. I love them and I'm going to wear them because they're me.
So, any way that you can find who you are and express it, and then, you know, let your kid hear, like, it's okay that you don't like it. I love them, so I'm going to wear them. it is, it's so important to model that.
[00:09:26] Jen: And I think, too, I love what you said about shining the light on those characteristics of our teenager.
So often, it is hard for them to recognize those amazing things about themselves. In all the noise and with all the voices that are coming at them, telling them they aren't enough and they aren't there yet. And there's so many ways that they can improve, but when we can highlight those great things about them and help them see their goodness, they can really step into knowing who they are.
[00:09:57] Leslie: Absolutely. And that is the most beautiful segway to the second pillar, which is you love that human that you just described. So self awareness and then self love would be another characteristics of self confidence.
So you see your strengths and you celebrate your gifts. You recognize that you are amazing and you remind yourself of it often, like with frequency because your brain and the world, Jen, you just hit that: there are multi billion dollar industries that are telling our girls they are not enough. They need to look a certain way. They are fueling that belief of the as soon as and the not enough because money is to be made when we don't think we're good enough, right?
So to, to practice self love, you focus on and magnify your strengths. And you talk to and treat yourself like someone you love. In my coaching practice, I talk about, you know, the, the bestie brain and the bully brain.
The bully brain is going to tell you everything you did wrong today, everywhere you're failing, every shortcoming you have, and that's just, you know, your brain doing your brain's job on its very molecular level, which is to keep you safe. And when it keeps you safe, it will pour out your shortcomings because those could be dangerous.
We need to deliberately tap into that bestie brain and see exactly what you said, that goodness that exists in all of us. And, you know, I, I say this to my clients and I know that your, your members and your listeners probably hear it often from you too.
The thoughts that you think about yourself are always a choice that you get to make. They are not truths, they are not facts, even when the world or someone else in your world might be telling you you're not good enough, it is always up to you to believe that you are and to love yourself.
so, this one is just so critical and that self talk is a huge piece of it. Practicing positive self talk and treating yourself with kindness and compassion the way you would a best friend. So I
[00:12:12] Jen: Love that idea of the bestie brain and the bully brain and I, it makes so much sense for a teenager, but oh my goodness, don't we all have that? Like every one of us as an adult still has the bestie brain and the bully brain.
And that bully man, they are so much louder than the bestie most of the time.
[00:12:31] Leslie: 1, 000%. I, I found that as I went on my self confidence journey and I need to remind my clients of this: anxiety, doubt. Insecurity, those are very loud voices. They demand your attention.
Because like I said, on our biological level, it is your brain trying to keep you safe from danger. And now we don't have the same dangers that existed many moons ago.
Anyone that's listening to this podcast is able to tune in a computer, a phone, a car. But your brain hasn't caught up with, like, the modern conveniences of life, so it will point out your failures, your shortcomings, all as your weaknesses.
And we have to go against our biological wiring. It's also why I was so excited to work with teens, because maybe we can get in on that ground level, their belief system, versus a reprogramming of our brain that, you know, now the bully, she's real loud and she's been doing it for 40 years.
[00:13:36] Jen: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
I love that. And I think we can add our voice to the loving voice. And when we as parents can speak that goodness and that love into our kids, that voice becomes the one they hear.
And so sometimes I think it's hard as a mom of a teenager to see the goodness in them because there's also a lot of emotions and there's a lot of frustrations and there's a lot of power struggles and all of that.
But if we can constantly be on the lookout for the things about them that we can just love, because there is also so much good when we're willing to look for it.
[00:14:14] Leslie: But it goes back to what you said of, we have to go first, and we have to then also, you know, kind of coach ourselves of, you know, taking a step back, zooming out.
Because I don't think there's a single parent that doesn't want to raise a capable and confident woman that knows who she is and loves that person. Yeah,
so it requires us exactly to borrow. Let her borrow the loving lens through which we see her and to make sure that that lens is loving and that she can see all the goodness that we see in her.
[00:14:48] Jen: Yeah. I just want to add in something really quickly. I think we see this so much with teenage girls because it's very apparent that they struggle with this self confidence. But as a mother of. Boys as well. I know that they struggle with the same things. And so everything we're talking about here today also applies to our sons.
They need to hear how incredible and amazing they are, even though sometimes they act a little cocky and like they already know how great they are. They still have that bully voice that is very loud in their head too. And so we want to be building them up as well.
[00:15:23] Leslie: 1, 000%. And I want to add to that. When I, Started this business, obviously, I thought of the teenage girl in me, but I, I do have a son as well, and I think we can't minimize the messages that they are getting from the world as well, and they have the same unfair standards.
It's a different barometer of worth, but you know, manliness and being tough, you know, not feeling your feelings, not showing any weakness. I mean, that is, that is not part of the human experience. It's setting them up for failure. So yes, while I speak. To that teenage girl, my heart goes out to all of them
[00:16:01] Jen: Isn't she amazing? Make sure you come back next week to learn the third and fourth characteristics of confident teens and some really simple ways that you can start building this confidence in your teenager right away
