Part 2 Podcast Interview with Leslie Randolph
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We are going to jump right back into our conversation that we started last week on the podcast with Leslie Randolph, who is a self-confidence coach for teenage girls. If you missed the first part of our conversation, I will link to that episode in the show notes and you'll definitely want to go back and listen to it. But as a quick recap, she shared the first two characteristics of confident teenagers.
The first one was knowing who you are and the second one was loving who you are. And we are going to jump right back into that conversation as she shares some tips for how your teen can practice loving themselves more
[00:01:08] Leslie: I have some ways that you can build that self love. And I always talk about morning mirror mantras because your brain, when you wake up, remember the thoughts that you think about you are optional sentences. So too are the thoughts that you think every day.
So to put a post it note on your mirror so that when you are brushing your teeth, when you are getting ready for the day and all those bully brain thoughts come in about, you know, what's going to happen when I get to school, and is so and so going to be nice to me. You have a self confidence script sitting there reminding you of who you are and how amazing you are.
And so I can feel the collective eye roll from teenagers when I suggest this. Just try it. I could show you the post it notes that are all over my house because sometimes that bestie brain needs a reminder. We know that bully has the microphone often.
And then also, you know, kind of bookend your day, end your day with a confidence closure. What are you proud of? Where did you show up today that you can celebrate? You know, if it's all bully brain, okay, what can I learn from today?
Choosing your perspective carefully because your perspective is your power and it will determine how you feel. And that is so critical for self confidence of being able to see that good in you.
[00:02:30] Jen: Oh, I love that. I love the bookends of your day. That's so awesome.
[00:02:35] Leslie: All right. Bring your, bring your brain back.
[00:02:37] Jen: Yeah. What is pillar number three?
[00:02:39] Leslie: Number three, you trust yourself. If you look at every definition of self confidence online. You will find the word trust actually confidence comes from the Latin word to trust.
So trusting you means you know what to expect from you. I say that simply, but like if you have a plan, whether it's an activity you want to do that day, or what you will do on your day off, you stick to it. You keep your word to you. And that also means, if we go back to knowing who you are, your actions and your energy, your voice, it aligns with those values.
So, if good grades and academic success are a goal or a value of yours, then you make time to study. Dare I say, you put it in your calendar every day, or on the days that you say you're going to do it. And then, you're not blowing it off to hang out with friends when you said you were going to do it. You keep your word to you.
Now, life happens and I understand that, and we're not, perfection ain't the goal here ever. But when we come back to trusting, if you think of anyone else that you trust in your world, it's that you know how they're going to treat you, even when things go wrong. Even if I did decide to ditch out on the library and go hang out with friends, I have the choice of how I talk to myself and treat myself after that.
So, trusting yourself also knows that you won't beat yourself up when you make a mistake. You will still show yourself that kindness and compassion when you don't get it right. And I put right in air quotes. Because we're all still eternal works in progress. But that's how you build up that trust.
Your actions and your energy aligns with those values of yours, but you still treat yourself with kindness and compassion when you miss the mark. Cause you will. We're all going to miss the mark many times.
[00:04:34] Jen: Yeah. It's like you need to be a trustworthy friend to yourself.
Like you wouldn't just ghost someone that you really cared about and loved without letting them know. You might have to change your plan. Yes, but you're not just ditching out. You're deciding on purpose and then you're doing it with love for you. And so I love that idea that we really have to be able to trust ourselves as a trustworthy friend to us.
[00:05:01] Leslie: Yeah. And that's so perfect with that bestie brain because yeah, today you are your first and forever friend. Like, we are stuck with ourselves. So we should really like the company that we keep. Right?
[00:05:12] Jen: Yes. Totally. And I think as parents, we can really support our teens in learning to trust themselves and keep their word to themselves, by giving them opportunities to build that trust. Give them opportunities to try and to fail.
And sometimes they will, and that's okay. That's how they're going to build that trust with themselves. And we've got to give them some space to be able to do that instead of trying to do it all for them and control everything for them.
[00:05:41] Leslie: Yeah, Jen, you did a podcast that I had the pleasure of listening to all about that about giving them the responsibilities and I would say like 100 percent giving them opportunities to fail.
We want them to fail in their teen years. We want them to ,, that. The goal isn't to avoid failure. The goal is to learn how to handle it, how to be kind and compassionate to yourself on the way because the road ahead, especially If they go and live big, beautiful lives, which what else do we want for them, is that they will fail frequently.
Are they kind and compassionate themselves after? And parents, that's modeled by us being kind and compassionate to them when they do fail. It's not us swooping in to save them. They need to learn how to feel that feeling and I guess save themselves.
That doesn't mean finding the easy solution. It's picking yourself back up and dusting yourself off and going again. Like, Oh, that did work. How can I do it differently? But yes, 100 percent give them the opportunity to try if they succeed. Awesome. If they fail, awesome.
[00:06:47] Jen: Yeah, either way, learning is happening. We're either winning or we're learning is what I like to say. Either way, it's a win for us because learning is winning.
Yes. So,
[00:06:57] Leslie: and it's a fabulous segway to the fourth characteristic, which is you believe in you. Because if you are going to chase dreams and go after goals. You want to believe in yourself. I think this was one that was lost on me. I didn't know that I could choose to believe in myself, even without evidence that I was fully capable of doing everything that I dreamed of.
I don't have any evidence of my dreams. I have to just believe in me and that again goes back to where we started of it's a choice that you make. It's a choice to cheer yourself on and to believe in your ability to achieve anything you desire and to handle the journey towards it. It goes back so beautifully to what we just said of failure is going to be part of it.
In order to feel love and connection in a relationship, you need to be willing to feel rejection. My dream when I was younger was to be an actress, to be on a stage. I needed to then be comfortable with embarrassment, humiliation, rejection. I didn't know that that was part of it, and so I never even tried because I was too scared of those emotions.
You need to believe in yourself and your ability to handle whatever comes your way. There will be failure. There will be rejection. There will probably be heartbreak for those sweet children of ours.
Yes. Yes.
And it's all okay when you know who you are. You love that self so you can take care of you. You trust you not to make the heartbreak, the rejection, the failure, mean something about you and you believe in yourself and your ability to keep going.
So those, those are the four.
[00:08:44] Jen: I love it so much. And again, we have to apply all of these things in our own lives so that we can model them for our teenagers. And, give them the space to really experiment and try these things out. To know who they are to love, who they are to trust themselves and to really believe in their capacity.
And I think when we believe in their capacity and believe in them and their ability to handle it, sometimes that's scary as a mom to be like, Oh, can they handle it? Can they really do heartbreak? Can they really do sadness? Can they really navigate this challenge at school?
But they can. And when we believe in them, it gives them permission to believe in themselves.
[00:09:27] Leslie: Yes. Absolutely. Let them borrow that belief from us until they have it for themselves.
[00:09:33] Jen: Well, I am so thankful to you for bringing all of this knowledge to us and sharing it with us. What is one thing that someone could do today after listening to this podcast episode, what could they take away and do today to really apply it in their lives?
[00:09:49] Leslie: Yeah. So you, you already hit on it earlier, but I'm gonna, I'm gonna give it to you as a tip. If you're feeling the love right now, whether it's thinking about your teenager, your, your bigger kid, if you need this for yourself, my lovely listener, then, then do it. But turn on that loving lens.
Confidence is an inside job.
I think that that's a really important thing. Your teen needs to. Know themselves, trust, love, and believe in themselves. But as they're strengthening that muscle, let them see themselves through your loving lens. So, while it is an inside job, that doesn't mean that we should stop praising and doling out all our love and belief in them.
We should keep doing it until they see it for themselves. So while their self confidence scripts are being written, we can lend them the words to write it. When they get home from school today, if they are away at school or away on a job, give them a call and, and point out all those strengths.
In day to day, make sure that you're pointing out their strengths as many times as you're correcting them. I catch myself correcting my kids all the time, thinking like, Oh, that will build up character and confidence. I asked my son once, I said, what do you hear when I say that to you? And he said to me, I hear I'm doing it wrong.
That voice was the one that was chipping away at my self confidence for so many years. So every correction doubled down on showing them their strengths through love, applauding their character as much as you're applauding their accomplishments. And just love them and help them see in themselves what you see in them.
[00:11:43] Jen: I talk about that a lot over on Instagram. Looking for hearts. I live in the desert and so I go for a walk and there's not much there. There's cactuses, there's rocks, there's concrete. And if you look on the walk, you're going to find hearts everywhere you go. There are hearts in the clouds. There are heart shaped rocks, shaped cactuses, there are heart shaped rocks, there are hearts everywhere. But if you're not looking for them, you're not going to see them.
And I think that's the same with our teenagers. Unless we are looking for those great, beautiful things, we are not going to see them. And when we see them, let's point them out. As often as we possibly can. I love that so much. we've got to see the good in our teen and let them know so they can see it too.
[00:12:27] Leslie: Yeah.
[00:12:28] Jen: Where can people find you and connect with you and find out more about what you do?
[00:12:32] Leslie: Yes, thank you so much, Jen. So I am at confidencecoachforgirls. com if you want to see more about my mission and my message of just spreading self confidence like confetti.
Um, I love it. I, I am the coach chronicles over on social media. And if you're looking for some tips to help your team cultivate confidence, I'm going to give Jen A link to a free guide that I had put together of six simple steps for how you can help your teen cultivate confidence and that'll give you some action items that you can put into practice right away.
[00:13:06] Jen: I love it. That's so awesome. I will put all the links to everything Leslie does in the show notes. So if you want to find her and get that free download of the six simple steps to help your teen cultivate confidence, I will have that there for you in the show notes. Thank you so much. This was so fun to chat with you and thanks for sharing all of your awesomeness with my listeners .
[00:13:28] Leslie: Loved every moment of it. Thank you for the opportunity.
